Cross fit awkwardness.

Ok. So, you know like 4 months ago, I was down 20 lbs with 30 to go. Awesome success in my opinion. Well, 4 months of stress filled days due to our living situation and life circumstances and my lack of desire to work out made me put it all back on. Its my fault....I accept complete responsibility. But it still sucks. I'm sad, humiliated, frustrated and honestly afraid to try again. I know I can do it, since I have, but I hate having to do it all over again.

I've been toying with the idea of joining a crossfit gym for months. I am tired of just running and workout DVD's just aren't my thing(though I'm trying with some P90X.).. But isn't it sad that the only things holding me back are superficial? I'm afraid of being judged(no one wants to be the over weight person in a room of fit and muscular folk, I mean lets face it..our bodies just don't look the same while working out). I'm afraid of the social dynamic. I've become quite introverted lately and I've always had some social anxiety that I can normally deal with, but this setting where you become real and vulnerable in front of people makes it a little harder to process. I'm afraid of failing. What if I can't do even 1 push up or pull up, or what if I'm too big of a wimp and puke or cry while working out? I don't want to fail.

So, yeah. Thats where I'm at...frustrated, feeling stuck and not really sure how to move forward.