New Floors..

Today we ripped up some SUPER nasty carpet, all the padding, got rid of all the tacking, then I pulled up a section of our entry way that is hard wood that was glued down...I am quite proud that I managed to get it up almost entirely by myself. (Luke got a small section by the front door where I couldn't wiggle the hammer in just right to get the planks up.). Luke's been working his butt off and laying the new flooring. Its going to be in my dining room, entry way and kitchen...but we haven't gotten to the kitchen yet.


This is looking into the dining room. Sure, the carpet sorta looks nice..but its SO not.


Looking into the entry way. We wouldn't normally rip up wood flooring, but it was a fairly small section and it didn't go with the new flooring...so its out. There is no other patches of wood in our house. Go figure.


Yes, that is a nice sized crack on our foundation. Ugh.




Luke working on the floors and shows some progress. He's made more,but I didn't feel a minute by minute picture update was needed. :)

My own two feet/Who I am..

Bear with me, this is long.

You know sometimes it really stinks learning how to stand on your own two feet. I was given a job my sister had to leave so I never had to look for one, I never went off to college, never lived by myself, got married right out of highschool and have had a husband who has never had to travel without me for nearly 7 years. I've been carried by one person or the next for as long as I can remember. While I know this has helped save me from a lot of things, it also didn't allow me a lot of opportunities to have to learn how to deal with things myself. This has made for an interesting me. I usually have Luke make all business calls, I hate being left alone for too long because heaven forbid something go wrong and I would have to deal with it.

Having Luke out of the country this past week helped me soo much. I don't want to do it again any time soon, but I'm thankful for the lesson gleamed from it. I learned that I am a lot stronger then I thought and how much God is my strength and not Luke. I use to always complain how I could never get anything done around the house because I was always so busy, but I learned it was because I personally wasn't spending my time wisely. When I chose to get up and do the dishes, they got done, and when the laundry needed doing, it got washed/dried/and folded...I went out and ate lunch by myself with all 3 kids, something I've never done before. I learned I was choosing to be overwhelmed by my circumstances instead of dealing with them. It was hard, and it sure sucked being alone, but I'm thankful for the growth either way.

This is a little harder for me to post because well, its a struggle for me...but the past couple of weeks have been one of a lot of self reflection. The other night Luke and I had a fight..it was TOTALLY stupid. I was being a complete jerk to him as a wife and was trying to make him play a dumb card game with me..normally he's quite willing to play cause he enjoys it usually just as much as I do, but he was really tired this night, and instead of putting him first and caring about his needs, I threw a hissy fit about him not caring about ME. This ended up with me sleeping on the couch...but as I was laying there in my anger, I was thinking..why the crap am I so angry?! Why does it matter that he doesn't want to play cards with me, then it hit me. I was angry because it felt like rejection...I interpreted his not wanting to play to not wanting to be with me. Its kind of ironic because I've never faced real rejection...and yet I allow this feeling to rise up in me all the time, when friends do things without me, when my husband choses to do other things then I do, when a parent/parent in law says something totally harmless..This got me thinking about what other things I had allowed room in my life, they go by Anger and Fear. I have willingly taken them by the hand and almost paraded them around in my life. They have shaped who I've been for many years. Anger has been my illusion of control and I like my control...I feel like if I'm angry, I'll be taken seriously and have control.

As for fear, I let it have all the room it wants. I'm afraid of silly stuff...like germs(I literally feel dirty if I don't wash my hands or sanitize them often). This has kept me from living life normally. Kept me from being with people because I was afraid of getting sick...and also when I was little I was lactose intolerant, and had TONS of stomach issues. Though almost all of these are better, I still let the fear of stomach issues control me. I worry about where I go because I don't know if there's a bathroom there, I panic if I can't sit on the outside of the aisle at a movie because I might have to go to the bathroom...and its left me hesitant to eat lots of foods because I think they may upset my stomach.

As I was telling Luke about this the next day, I was telling him how I didn't want this to run my life anymore, but it felt so hard to give up...isn't that weird? Knowing I had these issues and almost wanting to keep them still? To me its hard because for so long everything about who I am has been wrapped up in these emotions. It would feel like I'd be a completely different person if I let go and allowed God to heal me. Which brought up a silly fear about people not liking the new me(though I don't understand why, because I'd sure be a nicer and better person)...The task seems daunting, almost like its an addiction that I have to have withdrawls to get rid of...no body wants to do it-to willing put themselves in pain to escape something...But I know now that even if it means having to die to more stuff I'm ready to deal with it. I know this will make a better mommy, wife,friend, daughter...and I'm glad God can love me through all this as He transforms me into the woman HE wants me to be..and I'm learning that my identity is wrapped up in Him, and not my emotions. Dark yet lovely...:)

Day 3 of no hubby..

Thursday we all got up nice and early and got ready to go. I dropped the fellas off at the airport and managed to not sob on the way home Yay me....this is a pattern usually, so I was happy to accomplish this task. Kids took a nice long nap that day because they'd gotten up so early..Then my Dad came over and we had dinner together, went and got Krispy Kreme doughnuts and then I rented a movie to watch that night. Dad went home and I watched The Time Traveler's Wife. Note to self: Probably not a good idea to watch romatic flicks while husband is away. Sure makes it harder to not miss the guy. :) I liked the movie despite seeing more of Eric Bana's butt then I care to ever see. I was completely ok till it was time to go to bed...and then I realized that I have to my recollection never slept in a house where there was no at least someone my age or older with me. So sleeping by myself without someone else there was a complete first...I mean I've slept without Luke before but usually at my parents house and the such...so this was weird, and to be honest I didn't handle it well...This night ended in lots of prayer for Grace.

Friday was much better. I really felt God walking with me all day..we got up leisurely and enjoyed some lazy morning time...then Olivia and I decided we wanted Potstickers for dinner, but Publix and wal-mart both don't carry ground pork...whats up with that?! So we made the decision to run to the Farmer's Market and pick some up...of course we came back with fresh strawberries,chai tea, agave nectar, and some muffins as well. :) The kids took a nap while I watched some DVR'd shows, and while I finished the draft that Stephanie Meyer posted of her last book that goes in the Twilight series. Its just the first book but written from Edwards perspective instead of Bella's, for those of you who read the series. Sad, the draft stopped just before the meadow scene. Boo...you can find it on her main site if anyone wanted to read it. Then Olivia and I made dinner, the kids scarfed them down and then they all got baths....Then it was bedtime, I put them to bed a little late so they went to sleep pretty easily. I sat down with some leftover cobbler I had made and watched "Fame"...ah..I love musicals. I thought the movie was good....which prompted me to download a few songs from the movie today. I was able to go to bed without having any issues thankfully.

Today has started out ok, and hoping it continues to stay that way. I've even managed to keep a spotless kitchen while Luke's been away. Its amazing what having time in the evenings undistracted will do for a house. :) Erin and Wesley will be coming over tomorrow night for dinner, so that will help break up my weekend. Thinking I may venture out today to try and find a bath seat for Kate, I usually just get in the tub with them while I bath them, but it'd be nice to not have to hold her everytime they need a bath.

Gah!

I've been slacking on blogging. I personally get bummed when others do, so I apologize to those of you who read regularly. :)

We've been enjoying the snow all week and getting out in it. Its snowed several times since we've moved here but this was the first time we had this much of it and the kids were LOVING sliding down the hill in our front yard, building snowmen and throwing snow balls. I do not want it to snow all the time here as it certainly keeps us Georgians house bound since no one knows how to drive in said snow, but its really nice to get it once in a while. It was supposed to snow today, but it didn't.

We had a great Valentine's day. We spent the first part buying new flooring for my kitchen/dining room/entry way at IKEA with some friends who joined us for lunch there, then we went home for the afternoon and enjoyed a little down time before Erin and Wesley came over and watched our little crew so we could have a dinner night out. We usually hurry and eat fast and the such so we can get back, but tonight we were determined to go somewhere that took longer then 15 minutes to eat at. We have been wanting to go back to "The Real Chow Baby" for a while but just don't make it over that far into ATL very much, but knew it was a long shot getting in on Valentine's day. When we got there it was SUPER DUPER packed and Luke walked up and said he'd called and made a reservation(which we did yesterday, but they never called back to say if we actually got one or not), and they were like, "What's the name?" and Luke said Fletcher, she looked kind of confused and said "what's your first name?"...so he said Luke, and this waiter walked up and was like, "Oh ya, Luke someone called and said you canceled"....and we were like, no we never called and canceled..so he was like "guess your back on, come this way"...haha...Don't know what Luke called and canceled, but we're thankful for the divine intervention on our behalf for dinner. What are the odds? :) Got to see a random friend eating there at the same time which we haven't seen in a while, and took our sweet time eating, I LOVE the food..Our movie wasn't till 7:50, so we parked and walked over to a candy shop by the theater and got some fudge for dessert and walked right into the theaters(past the jillion people standing in line for tickets)...haven't people heard of ordering them online?? We went and saw Valentine's Day. We weren't thinking it would be that great since we'd heard it got some bad reviews, but I really liked it.

I'm just gearing up this week for Luke to head out of the country. He'll be gone 5 days...I can't believe it. I'm super excited about him getting to go, but I do not look forward to being without him for that long. I love my sweet man and life without him around even for a short amount of time is lonely. Thinking I'll try and arrange a girl night in there somewhere to at least give me some company one night. Think I'll check out some books to read while he's gone, probably rent some cheesy chick flicks and probably be able to fit some work outs in there in the evenings. haha..

Gotta..

Get cranking on my laundry today. I go 2-3 days without doing laundry and then I have so much to wash that it completely overwhelms me and I don't want to do it causing more to back up..its a vicious cycle. But I'm going to T'ville tomorrow so I know it has to be done. Yesterday I shopped for my sister's shower..its so much fun buying baby stuff, tried very hard to find something dressier to wear since I pretty much own nothing dressy since we aren't going to a formal church setting anymore, and also bought a new suitcase. Ours is falling apart and since Luke's about to go out of the country he needed something safe for international travel. Now I just need to do the billion loads of laundry to put in said suitcase. Looking forward to seeing family and friends while I'm there. I'll be going down with Erin and Wesley with just Kate..so it will be a quiet weekend. I'm sad to be away from Luke and the older kids though. I hate leaving my family, but dragging us all down there for such a short time isn't worth it...so just me and the babe are going...

My honey is coming home cause they are finished for the moment on a project that my Dad, him and Joel are working on and said he was probably wouldn't work tomorrow either, so yay for some time with him before I leave! :) He's bringing me home Willy's. Its like a Moe's or Barbaritos if you don't know what it is..:)

Did Jillian Micheals 30 day shred last night with Luke and OH MY...it was hard. It was only 20 minutes but it was intense. But I'm really out of shape, so I don't think it takes much for me to feel like its intense. haha..at least Luke said it was intense for him too...so maybe it wasn't just me after all.

Its taken me a while..

Having had 5years of parenting now, I'm finally coming to the conclusion that life happens. Spills will happen, fights are inevitable and sometimes my children have to cry. The world keeps revolving and yes, I WILL make it through the day. You'd think I would have gotten this by now, and maybe its taken having 3 to feel this way, but seriously. I refuse to be irate about the little things anymore. I'm trying to start this week with a new attitude. Like this morning when the kids decided that playing with cereal on the kitchen floor I'd just swept yesterday was fun. I typically would have exploded about how much I'd worked on getting it cleaned yesterday and would have yelled a lot I'm sure...but no, today I decided it wasn't worth it. I did scold them for doing the deed, but I didn't yell, and went about cleaning it up while I made them clean the livingroom. Now I have a clean living room and a semi clean kitchen...in the end it worked in my favor. :)

We filed our taxes this past weekend and we are so so thankful we are getting money back. We ended up having to pay for our State tax cause we didn't pay enough over the year to get any back, but we made up for it in Fed, in which we are getting quite a bit back(having 3 kids and falling under the Earned income catagory really helped!). Most of it will be going in the bank to hopefully sit in savings, but we agreed to splurge on something and we're redoing our kitchen/dining room floors. The kitchen is a nasty linoleum(sp?) and the dining room is carpet which is just silly for a dining room. Its stained beyond the reasonable amount and the cat has decided to pee in one corner and now that its marked we are having a hard time breaking her of that, so the carpet HAS to go...Can't wait till we can start and have it going..I'll be sure to post pictures once its finished. (Before and after pics).

I was quite sad about the Grammy's last night. I was really looking forward to it cause I like to see who gets more guesses on who's winning right(between Luke and I). I won, but I'm quite sad about how Taylor did...I mean I like her and all and enjoy her music, but I have NEVER heard her perform live where she wasn't off key a ton. I don't know if its a nervous thing or what, but gah...get some vocal lessons or something. Your up against the big timers girl! Apparently her pitchy-ness hasn't put off people voting for her...I just feel bad for some of the other people she went up against who deserved it more in my opinion.