I didn't..

Weigh in this week. I made lots of bad food choices last week and I was afraid to see the same number(or higher!) this week, so I bypassed it to maintain my sanity.. Back on track as far as eating goes this week, so hoping to have a loss by next week's weigh in.

Did something this week that I've never done probably in my life. I ran for 20 straight minutes. I had had self doubt ever since I knew thats what that day's work out had for me. After complaining and whining to Luke about how I couldn't do it, I got on the treadmill and just did it. There were moments that were super easy and moments where I thought my lungs would burst, but I kept at it. I knew that once I did it I would be soo proud of myself and I knew that if I even stepped off for a second that I would lose some of my confidence in myself...so thankful that Luke pushed me and that God gave me the determination I needed to do it. Been upping how long I'm running/walking too. Trying to do at least 3-4 miles per workout day and I'm aiming for 450-500 calories burned.

Our trampoline has had a busted mat on it for several months now and we've been meaning to replace it but since money hasn't been as bountiful these days, we put it off...well we decided to use my research study money to buy a new mat, but I decided to check on Craigslist first and found a trampoline that was bigger then our current one, had the nice enclosure on it, and had padding on the springs(something our other one didn't have!) for just a little over what a new mat would have cost us. My sweet Dad helped us pick it up that same day and the kids have been having a blast on it ever since. I love knowing they can't fall off of it and they literally can spend hours out there. Which is great for burning off all the energy that they seem to have. So thankful for such great weather for them to get out.

My garden is growing. I have TONS of buds on my tomato plants, lots of little strawberries popping out and my lettuce is taking off in height. Squash plant has doubled in size as well..I can't wait to start having some nice fresh from the garden produce.

Heading down to T'ville tomorrow to for a pick up from a doula friend who has an ample milk supply and has/is donating milk to me for Kate. The goal is to get her to 12 months on breastmilk and she's helping me accomplish that. I am SOO thankful to her..

Weigh in two..

Only lost another 2 lbs. I'm glad its a loss, but I'm slightly discouraged by the amount of effort I'm putting in with what seems like little results. I'm trying not to let it get me down and I refuse to give up...there's no room for giving up for me anymore..I'm done with that.

This week my workouts have consisted of 3 minutes of running, walking 1 1/2 minutes then running 5...its the longest I think I've run at one time since I was like a kid..but I've managed two of them so far, and know I can continue to push myself. My knee hasn't bothered me as much this week, Praise God!, and thats really helped. Now if my shins wouldn't scream at me so badly when I ran then I'd be soo much better. The next week's work outs(which is actually this week) will have me bumping it up to 7 minutes for 2 of the workout days and then 20 on the 3rd workout day..what the crap?! Lord help me!

We've had a pretty fun week...Wednesday was home church night, Thursday I went and hung out with my friend Talitha and chilled that afternoon, Friday Luke only worked in the morning so we got his hair cut, went out to lunch and the Library...Saturday we had Erin and Wesley over and then went to the park on Sunday...Today I went to Dunwoody to pick up a product for market research..which I'm excited that I get to use for a week and then be paid 75 dollars for using. :)

Just got my 3rd Swagbucks giftcard to Amazon...Pretty excited that I already have 3 and its not even May yet..hoping to see how many I can get and use them all for Christmas stuff. :)

Weigh in one..

I lost 2.5 lbs...not much and I see this more as a flucuation more then anything, but I'll take it if it actually is a true loss. I can tell things are getting better. I still have certain times of the day which I'm feeling super hungry...usually 3:30ish in the afternoon and then like 8-9pm...however the craving for food has diminished already even since a few days ago. I'm able to say no to eating at these times a lot better then I used to be. So I'm hoping my second week will be smoother....only thing I can't stop thinking about is a brownie for some reason..haha..

I'm also learning that I can eat LOTS of the good food for so much little of the higher calorie foods. Like last night I made a Voila meal..you know those freezer dealios? It had chicken, veggies and a sauce...it smelled and looked soo good, but instead I decided to cook a chicken breast for me(no oil, just no salt seasoning) and a couple cups of frozen veggies...to make my "sauce" I used one tablespoon of Ranch dressing. I could have done without the dressing, but since the veggies were like next to nothing calorie wise, I decided it was ok...it was filling and soo good.

I am also noticing my endurance picking up when it comes to running. I can now run when it tells me too without feeling like I'm going to die. Yesterday was the next week's start of a workout and I think I would have been able to do it easy had I done it on the treadmill but I decided to run at our park's mile track while the kids played with Luke at the playground....it was hilly and super hot, but I managed to do it. Did 2 miles in 30 minutes..which isn't too bad since 10 minutes of that is just warm up and cool down walking. Having some pain in one of my knees but other then that I'm really loving it. This is the first time I've stuck with something for any length of time, so I'm quite proud. :)

A Journey all my own..

I find myself blogging in my head at night...please tell me I'm not the only one?!

Anyways...So I'm on weightloss day 5...it hasn't been easy and even though I know I have cut back on a lot of calories, I know I could cut back more. I'm learning soo much about how I view food..I know that for me personally I use food as a destresser, or when I'm bored.. I "treat" myself to something because it was a rough day, reward myself with food if its been a great day, or simply eat because I'm bored/everyone else is eating. This has led to a very nasty cycle...one in which I'm having a hard time breaking..I live in a family where no one else needs to lose weight, so making myself miss out on what everyone else is eating is super hard to do...and I'm learning that there will ALWAYS be an excuse to eat....my deal is finding the will power to look that in the face and say no.

I may have mentioned this before, but I used to judge overweight people and think, if they don't want to be big anymore, DO SOMETHING about it...and while I still feel like if you want change, you have to change, I realize now that road isn't an easy one. When you spend years doing something, to have to stop all that is super hard. Scientist have shown that eating is often like a drug..it has a similiar effect, it makes us feel good, but also like a drug, your body gets used to what/how much you eat and needs you to up the anty so to speak and eat more to achieve the same effect..

I'm trying to change my view about eating..I know that healthy foods are good to eat and are fuel for my body, not for recreation, and that eating all that stuff thats bad for me is like taking one last hit of a drug..sure it might make the detox easier for a little bit, but it only prolongs the process. So I'm trying to stick to healthy snacks(which is where I think a lot of my calorie intake was coming in!)...

Anyways, sorry for the rambling long post...I figured it was probably more for me to just get out and type then for "teaching" sake...

This week has been..

Filled with LOTS of family..! :) Of course because of my last post you know my sister had her baby, which brought my mother up(my Dad's already been up here working in the area)..she was here till Friday around lunch, and Luke's parents came up Thursday afternoon and were here till Sunday morning. We also got to eat out with Luke's brother and our sister in law. Josh(Luke's brother) has just returned for his second half of deployment...we are praying he is safe and sound and makes it back to us! We ended up eating The Real Chow..its quite possibly one of my favorite places to eat up here...and we loved having some adult time since Luke's sisters watched our kids for the evening. Then today my brother came back up as he was passing through while returning to Fort Bragg..I haven't seen him in a long time and it was good to get to hang out and we met at Erin's, so I got a peep at Lucy too..she's so sweet..I never thought I could love other people's kids so much till I had nephews and this sweet niece. I feel blessed beyond measure to have such a great family.

However, with all the distractions, my house is oh so messy...and my Dad will be here at our house for a couple days, so I guess I need to make it look presentable. :)

Today also marks me officially dieting. I hate dieting...seriously. I mean I don't know anyone who LIKES it, but I know a lot of people handle it better then others. But its SERIOUSLY time for me to let go of food and move forward. I'm hoping to be able to run my 5k with less weight on me then there is now. I am really ready for a new me, and can't wait to get to buy new clothes cause my old ones don't fit anymore. :)