2 weeks!

Its been 2 weeks! Busy, full and emotionally charged 2 weeks. Most people think that growing in the Lord is beautiful(and its is sometimes!), but sometimes its ugly as stuff comes pouring out and you wonder how long its been there and why in the world you kept it from the Lord in the first place. So thankful my Honey has been patient with me as I'm growing and learning to die to self...


Went on a retreat with the ladies from The Church we're meeting with. I'm always so amazed how you can take so many different woman, stick them in a house together and things worked out. I love that despite that most of us have similarities and things in common, its not those that bind us. Its knowing we are all a vital part of the Body and we are all sharing and loving the same Christ. That's enough to have great relationships! haha...We had so much fun being teenage girls again, laughing long into the night. We learned you can fit 7 people in a 4 person hot tub, but it will over flow, we learned more about each other we probably wanted to, and that shopping in downtown Helen is a hoot. So thankful for the time, and for the great memories we created that weekend.

It was a crazy weekend!

Luke went out of town on Friday at lunch to go on a Men's retreat with the guys from the church, and all was fine that night. I managed to get children bathed, dishes done, clothes washed, floors swept, coffee made, and television watched....went to bed late, but it was good cause I don't sleep nearly as well when he's gone. Saturday we were going to have a picnic with 2 ladies from the church and we went over to their house and played in the beautiful sunshine for a while. All the ladies with missing hubbies decided to eat dinner together that night and so we headed home so that the kids could nap before heading back out but I had used the last of the creamer on Friday so I needed to stop in for some more...

Stopped at Kroger and did the usual routine of getting my 3 littles out of the van. I am not sure how, or why she(being Olivia) was freaking since she knows the door won't hurt her, but Noah  pulled the handle on the sliding door and it started shutting with her still in the door area so she spazzed out in fear and started screaming bloody murder...in my motherly panic to save her child from being crushed by a sliding door(which again, I should have known it wouldn't, it only takes a gentle nudge and it stops shutting and reopens) I put Kate down, but apparently she didn't slide off my hip like I thought I had done because once I'd stopped the door and Olivia stopped screaming I realized Kate was and she was sitting on the ground...thats when it hit me that I really didn't remember PUTTING her down and that I'd most likely dropped her in my panic. Worst Mommy moment ever..I immediately picked her up and she was refusing to calm down even with me cooing and bouncing and blankie giving. After a little while she just quieted down to a small wimper and I figured she was probably ok and we went into the store, got what we needed and we went home. When we got home, I let her out of her carseat and set her on the ground to walk into the house like she normally does and she just sat down and started screaming again. Of course I got all nervous and took her into the house, stripped off her clothes and gave her a once over to make sure nothing was obviously broken. At this point she was SO tired, so I wondered if it was because she was over tired...she took a short nap and then still wouldn't put any weight on her legs when she got up and continued to scream off and on, I knew I had to take her to see someone, so thankfully my parents came up and my Dad stayed with the 2 older kids and Mom and I took Kate to a Immediate Care place. They took x-rays and thankfully nothing was broken she just has some bruising/perhaps a sprain somewhere that will just take time to heal. She started putting weight and walking on Sunday morning and I was soo relieved. It was one of those moments where you know stuff like this happens but hates when its YOU that causes your child pain...plus it was our FIRST ever need for going to an Immediate care, or ER visit for the kids, so I was clueless, all while trying to keep Luke informed so that if he needed to come back he could. So thankful it wasn't worse.

My parents took our 2 older ones home and kept them for 2 nights and it was crazy weird just having one. I remember when having one was a big deal, how long it took to get ready for stuff, how I thought going anywhere was a serious chore. I remember feeling this way when I had two...and there are remnants of that now depending on where we go with our 3...Having any children and accomplishing tasks are hard, don't get me wrong...but when you've gotten used to dealing with 3 small children on a regular basis, going back to one is SO much easier. Sunday was church day and it felt so weird only having to feed Kate at our potluck, only having to put one down for bed. The house was quiet, clean, tasks were accomplished with a fair amount of ease. Its amazing how you become accustomed to the chaos that is having multiple children in a short span of time and how oddly wonderful and off it feels. I loved the undivided attention I was able to devote to my house and my youngest, but our home wasn't whole....and no amount of chaos or stress that comes with having them here can compare to having them around again. (Though, it WAS nice...so feel free to do so again at any point Mom..;) )

Still doing good on my nightly snacking..! We are still doing coffee but for the most part if I just HAVE to have something, I'll eat an apple, or a clementine that is filling and satisfying rather then have something unhealthy. We'll continue this for a little longer and then make another change somewhere to continue trying to make healthier life choices...

Off to make a loaf of bread to send to a mama today..:)

I do not get paid..

BzzAgent and the companies that support them do not pay me to write anything good(or bad) about their products. I am given products by said company to test and use and have an opinion about, good or bad..

Having said that, I got 2 of my BzzKits this week. One being the Silk Campaign and the other being the SC Johnson kit. I haven't been to the grocery store, so I can't tell you about the Silk yet, but I have coupons for 1.00 off any half gallon of theirs(coconut, soy, or almond) if anyone wants some. I'd be happy to mail them your way, just let me know. The SC Johnson kit was great, it has a full size toilet cleaner, full size shower scrubbing bubbles cleaner, Glade candle from their new spring line, a Glade plug in, and more coupons for these products then you can imagine..haha...So if you want any coupons for any of these, please let me know.
I am currently using the scrubbing bubbles(leaving it on for cleaning power sake) so I'll let you know how well it goes once I rinse/scrub off...but the candle they sent is SUPER great smelling and definitely something I would buy myself.  Plus, I love the plug ins so that's nice to and its got a great smell as well. Haven't used the toilet cleaner yet....

Anyways, just thought I'd let ya know! Please let me know if anyone wants any coupons!

It pays to be opinionated.

I feel like there are few ways I can really help out at home besides the normal day to day life stuff, but one of the funnest ways I've found to do it is by product testing/survey taking.

I participate in several different companies that allow me to do different things.

Synovate is one I do. Its a survey site. They send me a survey every now and then and I just fill it out and accrue points that I can trade in for cash/gift cards.. But some survey's are about products and they send you the product and fill out a review afterwords. I've done both for the company and have had a really good experience with them thus far.

BzzAgent is another one. This one is where you sign up and take a couple classifying survey's and then they match you up with Campaigns companies offer up so that you can "Bzz"  about...They send you various products and coupons just to get you interested in their product. I have done several with them and I'm currently in 4 coming up! One for Silk(soy milk) products, one for Barely There bras!!!, one for Mabelline makeup, and for the SC Johnson cleaning products. Its a nice way of getting some cool mail/getting free stuff and also being able to have an opinion.

Obviously, I participate in Swagbucks, this is a great way to just search periodically and get great stuff for it.

I also have signed up with a few different companies like Delve research and you just give them your info and they will call you if they have any product testing that applies to you. I've tested diapers and wipes, and those are so nice to test because those are expensive, and not only do you get free product, but you usually get paid an amount afterwords to complete a survey at the end.

Anyways...Just some idea's! :)

Baby steps.

Luke and I had a nice sit down and talked about ways he could help me out. We realized we had gotten into a habit of basically having a 4th meal+some after the kids went to bed. For me it was a time of being able to eat without having to worry about feeding someone else, making sure no one was crying, not getting up ten times to get someone a drink..it was my stress free eating time. While I am sad to lose this moment of solitude and peace, we realize that a bunch of calories(unhealthy ones at that) were being consumed. So we are taking baby steps...no snacks after dinner unless we want an apple or something. In an effort to not make it too hard, we are still drinking our nightly cup of coffee though which helps not feeling too super hungry, though I can tell very much that my stomach was very used to eating a late night meal...Luke said his was too which is funny cause he didn't nearly eat as much as I would at one time(snack wise, he can still trash me in terms of consumption when it comes to meals). So he is giving up nightly snacks with me so it isn't too hard watching him eat while I can't.

Baby steps people. Baby steps. I know this isn't a huge "I'm going to drop 30 lbs. this week" type moment, but if I can accomplish and stick to this, it will give me the confidence to continue to make more baby steps.

The tension that lies within..

Who is that in the mirror? I know that can't possibly be me.
    Dieting is so normal now that everyone basically ignores the fact that you are trying to(guilty I'm sure of doing this to others).
   Poor eating habits are like drugs. Its easy to be sane and make rational food choices when you are full and there is nothing else to eat but what is healthy. It is not so easy when people(self included) surround you with food that will not help you in the long run. Its like asking a heroine addict to just take a tiny hit...it won't really bother you.
    Must there always be this tension and guilt associated with eating? I'm literally scared when I think of the fact that I am only 25 and I have years and years(and years...) of eating ahead of me. I don't want to always have this tension with food.
   I love that those around me love me wholly for who I am. But it makes it easy to be comfortable with the size you are and not nearly as motivated, because I mean everyone already loved you immensely.
   I have guilt because my whole family doesn't need to lose weight. I hate having to make it where there are no snacks in the house or low calorie meals that just plain don't taste as good.
   I can't stand the fact that I've tried dieting many times and have failed every one. I feel like I let people down even when I know its more about me and how I feel then others.
    It drives me crazy that I'd love to have more children, and I don't want to be pregnant with this body anymore. But with my lack of much needed change, I'm nervous that I'll never feel like the time is right for another baby.
        I want to live longer. I want to be healthier...but I don't want to give up the tasty food. I remember a clip from Biggest Loser where Jillian asked a woman how in the world can junk food be more important then being healthy. I still don't feel I can answer that.
     I hate that my husband has to walk a fine line...between loving me and my body just the way it is and being an encouragement to lose weight(because I want to, not because he thinks I need to).
  I'm ashamed that I've complained enough about my body image out loud that my sweet 6 year old has commented about how she didn't want to be fat...when she is anything but! I KNOW I have to be a better example to her(and the other 2) so that they do not develop wrong eating habits...

It feels like a dark hole, this weight loss business...and I'm not sure how to make light of it just yet.

I want Him

I want Him-


He can raise the dead, turn water into wine, embrace those different from Himself, love without limits, heal the sick, patient beyond time, feed(care) for many...and much much more.

Know what I want most? Know who raptures my heart? HIM! He is beautiful. He is wonderful. Nothing in my life would ever be good enough for Him, yet through Him I am made perfect in His eyes.  I was made for relationship with Him..I am my Beloved's and He is mine, rightly do I love him. 

I give up..

I keep apologizing for not blogging....and I end up not being any better about it. There is so much going on in our life, but its hard to put a lot of it into posts..because either I don't know how to put it in writing or its depressing..haha..

Quick recap-

Noah's birthday was this past week. He is an amazing little boy. Seriously..not just biased..He sure has his moments but they are few and far between and I couldn't have asked for a better son. We didn't really throw a party for him due to lack of funds for one, so ended up taking him to pick out a toy from the Disney Store. He was so overwhelmed and happy it took him forever to pick one out, then we bought him a Woody Jibbitz for his Crocs. On his actual birthday we had a picnic lunch outside(complete with letting him having a soda, which is rare!) And let him munch on some cupcakes..I think he was pretty happy. Olivia was so sweet and wanted to go to Target and pick out an item from the $1 section for him and she even paid for it with her own money that she's been saving up for a while now(she's up to over $20!)..

No work lately for Luke which makes things interesting, but we thankfully had some tax return money that is helping to tide us over..Praising God for provision even if its not how I would have wanted to spend that money.

Learning how to let Christ be All In All...He is sufficient, wonderful,giving, loving, and patient. So thankful...

Started training again for my 5k last week. Its kicking my butt. I got shin splints right at the end of my training last time and it greatly reduced my time on race day because I was in so much pain...my shins are already acting up and I'm sad that it may cause me to have to walk more of the race then I wanted to. Boo...

My Mom is finally moved here! Its wonderful and I'm so happy that she's only a short drive now and not 5 hours away! Hoping I'll get to see her way more often now.

My brother who is walking across America in support of Special Operations Warrior Foundation(which support financially, families of soldiers who have been wounded or have been killed)..(His blog HERE ) was passing through ATL this past weekend and was given some tickets to the Thrasher's game that night(after his interview with 104.7 The Fish) and invited us to go. Luke graciously stayed home with the kids and let me go so I could spend time with Matt and we had a lot of fun. It was way different then any other sport event I've been too, but fun none the less.