Cross fit awkwardness.

Ok. So, you know like 4 months ago, I was down 20 lbs with 30 to go. Awesome success in my opinion. Well, 4 months of stress filled days due to our living situation and life circumstances and my lack of desire to work out made me put it all back on. Its my fault....I accept complete responsibility. But it still sucks. I'm sad, humiliated, frustrated and honestly afraid to try again. I know I can do it, since I have, but I hate having to do it all over again.

I've been toying with the idea of joining a crossfit gym for months. I am tired of just running and workout DVD's just aren't my thing(though I'm trying with some P90X.).. But isn't it sad that the only things holding me back are superficial? I'm afraid of being judged(no one wants to be the over weight person in a room of fit and muscular folk, I mean lets face it..our bodies just don't look the same while working out). I'm afraid of the social dynamic. I've become quite introverted lately and I've always had some social anxiety that I can normally deal with, but this setting where you become real and vulnerable in front of people makes it a little harder to process. I'm afraid of failing. What if I can't do even 1 push up or pull up, or what if I'm too big of a wimp and puke or cry while working out? I don't want to fail.

So, yeah. Thats where I'm at...frustrated, feeling stuck and not really sure how to move forward.

The Lately.

So its been forever. But for posterity sake, here's some news you can use.

We recently moved. Again..yes. We are as tired of moving as you guys are of hearing about it and more. Our house in Stone Mountain has been a complete money suck this year and after fixing lots of stuff on it, and then having our renters not pay, we are over it. Our renters have a week to get out, and then we are going to try and short sale our house. Its not the best case scenario, but better then letting it go into foreclosure as far as our credit goes. We are hopeful that it all goes to plan and we can have a better 2014.

Our setup is not ideal, but its working for now. I am living with Luke's parents an hour from where Luke is staying during the week to work. I hate not seeing him for a large portion of the week, but we are just trying to make the most of it, being thankful for family who took us in so we could live relatively free, for friends who let Luke crash with them for 4 days, and for the time we do get on the weekends together. It's been really hard for me, but the kids are managing it pretty well and for that, I am very thankful. I am praying that lots of good and glory come from this season of our lives.

Due to our circumstances, this year hasn't felt very Christmasy..ever have years like that? I have tried to do special things to keep up the holiday spirit, but its certainly been lacking this year.

We are almost finished with schooling for the holiday break. We technically were done as of Friday, but we got behind a few days with moving and all the stress of that, so we are catching up. Can't wait to be able to sit back and enjoy a lazy day! :}

Meandering through my mind.

Things that have been engrained in me in the last week.

Other people's choices, wants, and needs have to be put above your own. I know this seems sooo the moral/Christian thing, but it does not come naturally. This past week I've felt hurt over a situation beyond my control, and yet I let it stew all week complaining about it, and realized today how selfish it was of me to feel like my needs and wants were more important then theirs. The sting is still there, but I'm trying my best to let it go and let God handle the feelings part.

Friendships take effort and lots of it. I'm sucky at it. Honestly. I got lucky growing up that anyone wanted anything to do with me, and when we moved to North Ga, and I had to start over with new people, it was eye opening. I can't just text people and hope that keeps the relationship alive. I have to meet people where they are and engaging them(by TALKING to them/visiting with them in person). You have to make and carve out time. Or it won't happen. Its a two way street that requires both people making an effort.

And no, those two didn't go hand in hand. ;)

My family is awesome. Both sides of my family. I seriously don't know what we would do without them. I already knew this, but I just have moments where it wells up and the thankfulness is overwhelming.  Luke and I spent all weekend getting to enjoy time by ourselves thanks to Luke's parents since they watched the kids, and then spent all day with my family and were loved on. Luke and I have had a rough go the last couple of years, specially this past year..but its moments like this weekend that we are left feeling a little less weight on us.

I adore my husband. Seriously. After spending 10 years with the guy, he is seriously my best friend and my rock. He is constantly pointing me to Jesus(even when it frustrates me cause I just want to be angry/sad..etc.) and genuinely loves me, flaws and all. He lets Christ love me through him and I am taken aback by how blessed I really am. We are in this. For the long haul....we have promised that we don't get to give up, or settle in our relationship. There is always room for improvement and I'm thankful he is worth fighting with and for. :)

Proverbs 31 woman.

I try and remember that this woman probably did not start out this way. That the life she lives is merely a reflection of the life of Christ in her, brought about by being in The refiners fire many times.

I like to imagine she has days where she'd rather not wake before the sun and burn the candle late at night, or find and weave material into linens and clothing but she does because it is the joy set before her.

I imagine that she fears nothing not because she was financially stable but because she trusted in The One who provides.

I imagine that her husband and children call her blessed because they recognize the work of Christ in her and know that THAT is a blessing.


I'm currently in a season of life of really and truly having to go to the cross by the minute. Its humbling, but I know that in this, I will learn how to have and find joy in the minute by minute moments of my life.

Catch up

Luke got a new job.  About 2 months ago He applied for a job I found on Monster.com and he interviewed, they said they hired someone else, and we dropped it. They called him back about 2 weeks later and said they wanted him after all..(they kept the other guy too..just made a place for Luke)..so he is back in doing what he loves and is super good at. Drafting. It's not a pay raise, but the hours are better, they pay overtime, and have benefits we can opt into when we can afford it(high amount taken out.)..

The kids are out of school now, trying to get used to having them home all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but its a different feel then just having them home in the afternoons and nights. I'm constantly on my toes trying to find things to do..haha..thankfully we are enjoying daily walks, swimming at the neighborhood pool and making cleaning the house fun. ;)

Micah turned 1, I can't believe it. My last sweet baby is trying to grow up, can someone stop him? He is so so sweet and slightly demanding. I blame it on him being 4th and having people just give him what he wants..;)  I am very content in being done, but also kinda sad this phase is ending. I have felt for a long time that I feel that I can raise babies great...like after having 4, I got this baby phase stuff down...so it's hard to embrace having to let go of the one part of parenting I felt I had a handle on..raising older kids is so very rewarding and beautiful as you watch them become people and start learning about life and Christ, but its full of its own share of challenges which I feel I have no idea what I'm doing. Definitely keeping me leaning on The Lord and doing lots of apologizing when I mess up. 

Kate just turned 4. It blows my mind that this fall we will start some pre-k work and next year she'll be in kindergarten! 

I lost my iPhone this week. Not great timing...(as if it ever is). But I rely heavily on mine for everything. I take most of my pictures and videos on it, do all my list making and workout log on there...lost it somewhere in Target and pretty sure someone has stolen it as it was turned off within minutes of me losing it(and my battery was fine when I went in). No one had turned it in either..the phone I could probably live without, but all my photos and videos on there are what I'm grieving most. I had a couple I hadn't uploaded yet. Like Micah's birthday cake smashing and him opening presents..all things I can't get back.  Makes me thankful for all the pictures I HAVE uploaded to Facebook! :)

Our horrible renters have finally moved out, but they didn't notify us of some water damage to the ceiling in the kitchen, so we will have to fix that before being able to get someone else in. Hoping its just sheet rock and not framing..but we will need to find the source so it doesn't keep happening. We also have to hound our prior renters to get the $3,000+ they owe us. Ugh.

So yep, that basically catches us up!

When it all doesn't go as you want.

The other day Olivia was complaining that we couldn't do something and I was reminded of a story I read once-

An old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "may be," said the farmer.

Technically the story could keep going and I believe that when good things happen, you should rejoice, because as a believer, I believe all good things come from Him, that being said....I told her about this story and as I reflected on it while relaying it to her, I was struck with the fact that this is something I really struggle with. I am so quick to judge a day, letting one bad event spoil the whole day. But I cannot see the big picture.

Today, Luke didn't get a job we were very much hoping for. I didn't realize how badly I had wanted him to get it till it was gone. It would have meant, more pay, less hours, a desk job close to home and insurance. But again, I was reminded about this. It would be SO easy for me to call this a bad day and judge it. To say there was no good in it and how could God allowed us not to get such a good job? But I have to believe that perhaps we were spared something, maybe there is something better, or perhaps it just wasn't the time for him to go there. Maybe they will hire this other person, have it not work out and hire Luke, or find a different position for him...? I'm thankful my Lord sees the bigger picture and I can rest that the ebb and flow of our "good" days  and "bad" days are still full of Him because He is in me and all around me.

I have a new blog!

One specifically to me doing reviews on products that as a Mom I've tried..Services I've tried and stuff like that.  So if that interests you or you know people it would, go on over!

http://momtestedandapproved.blogspot.com/