I'm a Job...

No..not job as in work...Job, as in biblicy(sp) speaking.

I cannot boast that God was allowing satan to test me, but I know God doesn't give us more then we can handle and though I have NOT gone through the exstensiveness that Job did..I have often felt a connection with him and his life. I have read it many times and I always learn something new each time. I have always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. Its been a down fall and a blessing at times, and through each trial the Lord has allowed me to walk through, He has always heard me vent.

My battle has always seemed to be physical. First it was when I had undiagnosed lactose intolerance(which the Lord healed me of years later), dental issues since I've had teeth practically(and I am NOT joking on this...) I'd be happy to never see a dentist again., and more stomach issues that made me take note of where the nearest bathroom was at every place I went to, and while my pregnancy with Olivia was as easy as easy can be(after having her wasn't, due to a breast cyst that required weekly needle aspirations), Noah's pregnancy was a faith walk. Really no problems till I hit 28 weeks. Went in for my gestation diabetes test....and as soon as I drank the liquid, I instantly felt the need to pee...and my bladder kept spasming and spasming. My midwife played it off as position of the baby and sent me home. Come to find out with my Mother's urine strips at home that there was blood in my urine. We assumed UTI and called in the prescription. While we were waiting for that to be filled, my back started hurting. Not an unusual thing while pregnant, but this felt different. By the time I made it home, I was NOT feeling well.....about 30 minutes later, after calling our super friend, Dr. Fred, he said "take her to the hospital..". Come to find out I had 2 kidney stones..one of which was almost out. They admitted me, gave me pain meds(after a long time!) and also pumped me full of fluids they said it'd pass in a day. I stayed for almost a week waiting for that kidney stone to pass..and finally they said there wasn't much more they could do and sent me home with meds to control pain....mean while. Come 34 weeks, I was contracting often and more often then they like, so again I was admitted and steroids were given as we were given the "what having a baby this early means" talk. That was a hard few days to walk out...because part of you just wants to tell your body "no, don't have it" and also trust God that maybe His plan is different. We turned down any other forms of labor stoppers and they sent us home...we prepared ourselves for a possible early baby and went about life. Noah didn't come till almost 40 weeks. Those 6 weeks that I was in limbo waiting for him to come for amazingly faith building. I often complained of why the Lord would allow me to go through so much pain, and Luke has always said "Because He knows your strong enough to handle it". It also pushed me to my knees quite literally many times a day in belief that He was in control...and I know God allowed me that time to draw nearer to Him. He wasn't making me go through it for nothing...(I passed that stone while in labor with Noah. Completely painless and they never could find the other one on ultrasound/x-ray several weeks later).

As of today..I'm edging up on 25 weeks pregnant..and I have a hard time looking at the rest of my pregnancy as something positive, and yet, I know how driven I will be to put my face in the Hands of God and surrender to His strength and grace. My body is already physically feeling the effects. My cervix is wanting to dialate, my pelvis feels like its about to break in two, and not many positions make it anymore comfortable, but I am rarely contracting and for THAT, I am thankful for. Its humbling to know you aren't in control...and if anyone knows me, I like control...and have a very hard time being out of it...so this is a life test for me for sure...but I'm believing for God to be in the rest of my pregnancy and that HE can make it good for me, despite my current situation.

Job, I may not have lost all that you did, but I sure know how good it feels to call out to the One who you know can make it better, even if He so choses not to..I know the hurt one can feel and the sense of abandonment that can overwhelm...but oh how we were wrong. God never left us....He was simply boasting on us, and in the end you were rewarded....I'm clinging to that.

Sorry this was a marathon post..but I feel blogging is like therapy...and I needed that out.